Wednesday 29 July
Hon Hekia Parata
Morrinsville
The holidays are too short
Dear Hon Hekia Parata
Don’t you just love being on holiday? You have so much time to relax and do what you want and you don’t have to work. I strongly believe that the school holidays are too short. I am going to tell you why I think they are too short.
Because there not enough time to do what you like to do. Because you what to spend time with your family for two weeks and then you have to come back home and go back to school to learn more. What if you didn’t get enough sleep on the plane you will be sleeping in at school for quite a while.
We need to have three weeks of holidays
We need to have three weeks of holidays because when you think there is enough time to do what you what to do there is actually not enough time to do it and if you play sports it takes up most of your time and then you have barely any time to relax and you will be tired a school.
There isn't enough time for family trips
There isn’t enough time for family trips because by the time that you get there it would probably be time to go back home and that wouldn’t be fun at all now would it. There is definitely like no time to see friends and family and that would be so sad because there was no time.
Conclusion
In my opinion I think the holidays are too short.
I like how you used persuasive language when you said I strongly believe that the holidays are too short.
ReplyDeleteMy star is I really liked how you said" There isn’t enough time for family trips because by the time that you get there it would probably be time to go back home and that wouldn’t be fun at all now would it." my wish is that your conclusion is too short.
ReplyDeleteNot a bad attempt for your first go at persuasive writing, Hunter. My star for you is that you have attempted to put your ideas into paragraphs. My wish for you is to leave your reader with a stronger and more convincing conclusion. Something that will really make them change their minds and agree with you.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you said ''don't you just love being on holiday?''. Next time make your conclusion bigger, and get someone to read your writing before you publish it.
ReplyDelete